After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
