i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
