two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
