From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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