my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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