If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
