I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
