I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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