I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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