I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
BRING THE BAGELS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
