he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
