dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize