we have pet lesbian snakes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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