I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
