I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
