My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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