But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
