Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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