12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The Olympian is in my bed
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