Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
