Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
