gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
