I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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