McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
