things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
