Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
