the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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