im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
two words: eviction party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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