I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
