I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
