I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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