i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
