Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
