i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
