I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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