I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
