all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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