Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
