ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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