That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have