i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing