i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
