I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
