tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
