Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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