The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
