i was born a porn star she said
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
