Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
