My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
