So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
