Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
