she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
