hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
