you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
