I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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