Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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