His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize