I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
