Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
