Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
