Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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