i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
