the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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