You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
