how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
