Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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