Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
