If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
