sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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