I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
