so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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