At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
