my phone needs a breathalizer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
