My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
