its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
