Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
