My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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