i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
