DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
