Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you bring me the toilet please
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
