So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
